i pondered upon it...... should i blog ??

since i can't sleep at 3.30am ....... well might as well..........

1.5 years have gone.....

sometimes... or lots of the times, i am wondering, and worrying.... how many more 1.5 years can we be together?

in this 1.5 years, there are so many ups and downs.. and i must admit that it even happen within myself. sometimes i became so down that i just wanted to give up everything. for no reason somemore. maybe at that point of time, i just don't love anymore.

is this normal? can anyone tell me?

sometimes i wonder are we suitable for each other? like right from the beginning, even before we started, i already pointed out that it seems that we've v diff lifestyle. things he like to do i dun like. things i like to do, he dun seems to be much interested also.

at times if u ask me what i like about him, i also dunno.

then sometimes i also dunno what he likes about me.. then i have a bad habit that when i dunno what he likes about me i will conclude that maybe he dun love me. maybe he just continue to love cos xi guan le.

yeah.. assumption.

how again? am i normal?

I guess i can be quite erm.. how to say.... i think i am quite xiao qi ba.. i can be angry over things like having a dinner with the mic peeps without letting me know.. well i am angry cos when i called him in the evening, i was actually v pek cek about having to cook dinner at home, and so i called him. he said he was wearing his shoes. ok. and he said he was going out for dinner.. so with his parents i thought. and only in the middle of the night then i found out that he was actually out for dinner with the mic peeps, and how i found out? from their blogs and tagboards. yeah this is nothing wrong.. and its not like jian bu de ren, but i just cant understand y din u just let me know when u said u were wearing ur shoes? think that its not necessary? well yeah.. maybe its not necessary.. but all i want is to be updated of your whereabouts.... and i hate to be the last one to know about things u know? esp about my own boyfriend. and yeah........ last one to know that actually my bf does have a blog. or maybe i shudn't even know at all cos he might want it to be a private space.

its really a pain to get to know things out of blogs.. and tagboards.... yeah so what am i to you? maybe i also just hoping to be like your friend, maybe closer one... where u will tag occasionally, no actually i know u tag quite often. cos u are someone who got lots of yi jian. tagging at gf blog is a taboo is it? or is it that u got no comments about my life (what i write in my blogs) at all?

sometimes i wonder what he felt about me seriously. did i do anything that let him down? maybe not a big thing but a small thing like flying plane for a date... or maybe is there an instance when i am not sensitive enough to his feelings and hurt him? maybe for example... like what i blogged so far. like so little thing and yet make such a big fuss.

what kind of gf am i actually? really hope to find out........



then again back to the same old problem....... where solution seems further and further away from us..

its kinda painful, stressful and tired to hold a time bomb..... knowing that somehow it will explode someday and yet i can't bring myself to put it down. and at the end of the day, i know that somehow it will explode even if i choose to continue carrying it or to put it down..

nope.... today is not a bad day. i din quarrel with him at all....... so pls eliminate that thot...

well... i hope anyone who read this will just read and forget. even if i am too harsh. just let me be okay? this is my blog what. SO WHAT..... its just my feelings at this point of time. And tmr will be a new day.

dar.. if this hurts u.... sorry dar.....
sa-rang-hae-yo.......